I really didn't mean to start a journal, but I wanted to comment on a friends journal and I had to do this in order to do that.  Seems kind of crazy, but maybe it's something I could use anyway.  I'm getting ready to be a college graduate and I'm a little scared.  I don't feel particularly any more qualified to do anything I wasn't qualified to do before I began school, and I can't see how I'm going to pull this out.  I have never been paid more than 10,000 dollars in a year and frankly, I can't see myself as being worth much more.  I mean, I'm worthwhile and all, I just don't see a bright future for me in the working world.  And I feel intense pressure to make that happen.  I really love sitting in my studio and making work.  But I'm kind of sick of all the pressure, al the pressure that comes with no money and having to ask people for help, or having to  make things smooth over a pay period where there isn't enough coming in to pay the bills, and my own selfishness takes over and I spend where I shouldn't.  I'm so sick of being stupid!  Growing up is about learning that you have less options than what you thought you did and watching those options shrink faster than you can control it.  And realizing that you need to function inside these parameters in a frightening way.  You must get the dishes done.  you must wake up before your small children.  You must hold your tongue with people who irritate you.  You must find a job you hate so that everyone is satisfied with your progress.  Ah, to paint and not think about any of these things!  I want to make beautiful art that people pay me for.  Please pay me people!  My ego is too big.  I need a pin...Why am i so sad to leave school?